Airport Bliss!

'Nah Then!' I love to fly..on a plane that is, I haven't got any special powers or anything.

I love every aspect of flying, especially if the flight is at night, but I've come to realise that what I love more than the actual flying...being in the airport!

It really hits me whenever I set foot through the doors to the terminal...'this is gonna be a lotta fun.'

There's a buzz and hustle bustle about the place that is both exciting and frantic at the same time. It screams "aaarrrgghhh long lines" while at the same time sings "Duttttyyy Freeee."

Whether you're heading away on holiday, business or just simply escaping the law, the airport has something for everyone.

So you've arrived at the airport no doubt far too early for your flight because you told yourself the normally 40 minute drive to the airport, might well take in excess of 3 hours today for no apparent reason at all.

If you haven't already checked-in online you are an idiot but also totally justified. I have taken hundreds of flights all over the world and never once have I fully understood which line to stand in, having previously checked-in online nor have I seen the perceived benefits of it. I will however refuse to travel with someone who hasn't checked-in online. It's just common sense...sort of.

Your checked baggage is miraculously underweight despite packing the kitchen sink and your boarding passes are being tightly clutched. 'What now?'

A quick check of the time...yup still 4 hours and 28 minutes to your flight...boards, another 30 minutes until it is supposed to depart.

Even if going through security takes 2 hours because nobody got the memo and wore cowboy boots, 2 jackets and forgot to take their bloody liquids out of their carry-on. You've still got time to head to the greatest place on earth...THE AIRPORT BAR!

Any self-respecting airport will have multiple watering holes for you to frequent. Usually with a theme or a novelty touch to it. **Disclaimer the theme for most is that it's perfectly acceptable to charge you $48 for 2 beers and a bacon sandwich. Even terrible airports will have a little cafe that serves warm bottles of beer and cans of pre mixed G&T and some crisps to nibble on.

Find a table. Not always easy as theres usually crowds of stag and hen do's congregating in fancy dress and hastily printed t-shirts reading "Johnny's Farewell Tour." or "Karens P***S Patrol."

If you can't find a table sit at the bar and order anything alcoholic. Sure its 6:30 am but due to the lawlessness of pre-travel drinking a margarita for breakfast is perfectly acceptable. Now a word of warning. If you're in for the duration (any period of time exceeding an hour and 15 minutes in my eyes), be prepared to spend a small fortune and please ensure you are ordering overpriced food to ensure you are still allowed to board the flight.

If you are travelling alone an airport bar is the perfect place to people watch and an even better opportunity to give yourself a fake persona.

That's right. Strike up a conversation with a stranger and tell them you're an astronaut heading out on some pre-mission training or an activist giving a speech on the endangered colour blind sloth.

The fact of the matter is you can be anyone. These people will never see you again and they don't have anyone to verify your elaborate claims, so go wild it's a lot of fun.

Alos don't forget to 'check-in' on social media and make a joke about it being the same as checking in for your actual flight...CLASSIC and bound to get likes.

Still got time to kill?! Wonder through the newsagents and buy magazines you wouldn't otherwise no where to purchase.

Buy some snacks that you don't want and probably won't eat, hit the duty free. Do your research though. A $20 bottle of whiskey might seem like a steal but it still stings when the Guatemalan customs seize it from you before you've even take a sip.

Fun fact, it doesn't matter if your travel plans will take one hour or one day for some unknown reason, that horrible musty travel stench will hit you every time. Be sure to yes to all the perfume/cologne testers and don't hold back you'll thank yourself later.

When arriving at the gate. Don't go for the conventional "seat" instead find a patch of ground close to the windows that look out on to the runway and lay down. Much more comfortable and loads more space for all your unnecessary purchases.

Lastly. If you ever have the misfortune of being at Brisbane airport...DO NOT go and see the loveable 'Sandwich artists' that wear green and yellow. A foot-long and a soft drink will cost you more than the flight.

Safe travels.