Work this out!

'Nah Then!' For those of you that have met me, it should come as no surprise...I work out!

This physique is no accident it's the result of years...OKAY! OKAY! I'll stop. I don't 'gym' very seriously and when I do 'gym' I usually get really wound up by idiots or groups of idiots that frequent the place.

Make no mistake this world is full of things that irritate me and the gym is no exception. What started out as a place to blow off some steam and clear my mind, has now become a major source of my weekly frustrations.

You might be thinking "Why doesn't he just move to another gym?!" or better still "why bother going at all."

You're right I should just leave it alone but I actually think I derive some morbid pleasure getting mad at morons.

I usually like to arrive at the gym around 8pm on weekdays. This is because its closes at 9pm so worst case I only have to be there for an hour max and therefore minimise the contact with fools. That and also means I don't actually have to workout for more than hour.

If you read that and thought "He doesn't workout for long enough." Congratulations you're the first group of people I dislike. Put the protein shake down and go home...4 hour workouts are dumb.

Walking through the gym trying to find a machine to use or some free weights to throw around what do I see?! The guy who may as well not bother wearing a shirt because he's ripped it beyond recognition and has essentially made a thong for his pecs and nips. You may look like a Ftich model but cover up man I've just eaten.

Not to worry we will give him a wide birth and wait politely to use the machine that the guy has been sat on frat least 18 minutes flexing and scrolling through social media. Probably telling people he is at the gym whilst actually not working out.

Ah brilliant someone who works here...maybe he can help me...nope wait he's too busy giving, free PT sessions to any girl in there. He smiles he flirts...he's the cleaner don't be fooled. by his name badge.

Okay so the weight room it is. Now in all seriousness. This place gives me the s***s. I'm actually deceptively strong given my appearance, like a skid mark that you can't get off the side of the toilet.

The testosterone flying around the weight room is enough to make any man quiver but what I can't stand more than anything is that noise people make when lifting weights. I don't even know how to spell it but it sounds like letting air out.a balloon a little bit at a time. "ssfssfss" would be my best attempt.

We get it you're lifting heavy weights, you want us to look bravo. You are clearly the alpha.

And while we are in the weight room. If its too heavy for you to put it back on the rack don't lift it. Dropping your weights from great heights to the floor is both dangerous and moronic. Its not only a hazard to peoples feet but we live in New Zealand, a place that needs no help when it comes to earthquakes.

Lastly but by no means least. To the sweaty mcsweatface please for the love of all that is holy...next time bring a towel or a wet floor sign because you're leaking bro and its gross.

No the gym is not for me. It smells, its obnoxious and full of posers,the vending machine only serves healthy snacks and theres no bar...my advice is...workout at home or watch TV.