How do you hello?

Nah then! It has been two whole weeks since I've had a digital rant and quite frankly, it has driven me mad.

I did post on social media that I was going to write a post midweek and if you believed that then you are as gullible as the people who believe "I will be there in 5."

For those of you that don't know, I have spent the last nine months pregnant...no living in New Zealand.

One thing that this has taught me (other than cheese is bloody expensive), is that the Kiwis are very friendly (the people not the fruit). I came to this conclusion during a string of casual 'hellos,' 'how ya goings,' and even the occasional 'nod.'

Acknowledging someone in the street or just out and about is a very delicate matter, especially for a British person. Typically we have been taught to avoid eye contact with strangers, keep our heads down and generally project misery when out in public...it's the British way!

Here in Queenstown this has proven to be quite difficult as people from all over the world seem to genuinely care about your day.

Walking home from work one summers evening, I made the mistake of making eye contact with a man I had never previously made eye contact with in any scenario. Now I am obliged to acknowledge this or run the risk of him thinking I was just staring at him. In a blind panic, I fumbled around for words and settled on a: "How ya going?!" and casual nod of the head combination. The entire time I never broke stride and looked ahead. What happened next, knocked me for six. In my own head I was mentally high-fiving myself on a job well done. Awkward exchange avoided, time for home.

I could not have been more wrong. The gentleman being a friendly native, responded to my question with. "Good thanks mate! How are you?" Sorry what?! Now I'm all over the place. I've forgotten how to walk my stride has broken and we are now about level, only I have the misfortune of being a good few inches shorter that him and have naturally started to crane my neck upwards towards him. A few seconds pass by and I'm trying to find my feet, now looking backwards to him and eventually mustering up a response..."Yeah!" accompanied with yet another nod.

The confident walk now replaced with a childlike shuffle and my head down to the floor. I can now never see this unknown person again.

This horrific incident has now rendered me useless when introducing myself to anyone. It has genuinely rocked me. Since that fateful day,I have TWICE shook someones hand and got one of my fingers folded in the middle of it, responded to "Hello" with "Good thanks!" and lastly actually patted someone on the head.

What I propose is that society walks around with a sign around their necks, stating their preferred method of intros or hellos. 'I hand shake' or 'fist-bumper,' would be appropriate. Someone wearing a 'Hug me' sign would obviously be avoided like the plague.

I just want to people to know that when I ask you how your day was..I don't actually want to know because I don't care. Just let me get to the bus and home and I'll be right.